Love Life

If reading a sort-of-sappy story makes you sick, you may want to stop reading join me again another day :) FYI: This post will contain valuable information and insight on a great book, though. You may want to keep reading, just saying.

When BK and I were engaged, he was living in Denver and I was living in Birmingham; it was a VERY long distance relationship. We had been dating about six months when he moved, and it only took three months of long distance dating before he asked me to be his bride. During our engagement, it was recommended that we read Dr. Ed Wheat's book Love Life for Every Married Couple. We both got a copy and began reading. We would read chapters and then discuss them over the phone. I honestly believe that reading this book before marriage was one of the best things we could have done for the health of our relationship. It.Was.Awesome.

Four years later, we decided to revisit the book and see what we could get from a second read. Although we feel like we have a strong friendship and marriage, it can never hurt to improve any relationship you have in your life; after all, no relationship is perfect.

I was reading today while I sat on my back porch during a torrential downpour (we have a tin roof on the back deck and it's my favorite place to be during a rainstorm), and I would like to share a bit of what I read today, as it has the potential to transform your relationship if put into practice.

 Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh."

Wheat gives us insight on the word cleave. He says that cleave means, "to adhere, to stick, to be attached by strong tie" (29).  Upon further investigation, BK found that cleave also means "to remain faithful." Cleave is an action verb. Now, if we were in my 7th grade classroom, I would tell you that this type of verb requires you to do something. You can't cleave by sitting on your rump and wishing for something to happen. Cleaving requires the doer to take action and take initiative.

Everybody hears this verse and thinks that it's main message is that you move out of your parents' house when you get married and bam! things are peachy keen. Not so, my friend. I think the main purpose of this verse lies in the cleaving and not necessarily in the leaving. Wheat later states that "in the eyes of God, cleaving means wholehearted commitment, first of all spiritual, but spilling over into every area of our being, so that the cleaving is also intellectual, emotional, and physical" (31).

Have you thought about cleaving being intellectual? It's a choice, a conscious choice that each partner must make each day. Without cleaving, without adhering to your partner, your relationship has no choice but to be distanced. If you aren't actively pursuing your partner intellectually, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, what are you doing to ensure that your relationship stays solid? Nothing. Despite what we believed or thought about love as teenagers, love isn't an emotion that comes and goes. Loving your partner is a conscious choice that must be made every day. While cleaving sounds like a fairly simple thing to do, it doesn't come naturally to any of us because our human nature is to think about our individual needs first. Cleaving requires each person to set their own needs aside and focus instead on the needs of their partner. It makes perfect sense, really! If I focus on BK's needs and cleaving to him and he does the same for me, both of our needs will be met as God intended it.



The result of this conscious choice- the "thrill factor", as Wheat puts it (86). Please know that fireworks don't go off in my house every single day, but they do happen quite frequently because my mate and I choose daily to cleave to one another.  This "thrill factor" comes in various shapes and sizes, but some of the physical responses of the thrill factor are "quickened breathing and a fast-beating heart". I cannot help but think back to what BK and I lovingly refer to as the "arriving at the airport  feeling" (a stark contrast to the "leaving Denver feeling"). See, while we were dating/engaged long distance I would fly out to Denver once every 7-10 weeks. For those of you who have experienced something like this, you know exactly what feeling I'm talking about. There has been no greater feeling of excitement/anticipation/absolute happiness than getting off that plane, riding the shuttle train, going up the escalator, and seeing that smiling face that you haven't seen in so long. The airport feeling is one of a kind and it's definately something akin to the "thrill factor" that Wheat speaks of. You know that you have a genuine and wholehearted love when you're overcome with this feeling so often after five years (or more for a lot of you) of loving your partner.

I just want to encourage you, reader, if you're in a serious dating relationship, engaged, or married, check out this great book. It's a quick and easy read and the benefits of reading this book with your partner, no matter how many years you've been together, are numerous. Although relatively inexperienced in the realm of married couples, we do believe that investing in our marriage together spriritually is the only way to avoid being part of the 50%> of marriages that fail. If you know either or both of us, you know we're two of the most stubborn people you've ever met. We refuse to fail, and we choose daily to cleave to one another.

Thanks for listening to my rant today :) I'll leave you with a Denver picture taken the day after Christmas 2007.